The Un-Assertive Idiot

We all have that will to please when we get a new job. Yes, sure, understood – most of us are freshers and need to prove ourselves and all that jazz, but at what cost?

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Did you ever make coffee for someone you didn’t have to?
Went out of your way to give someone a ride?
Agreed to an impossible deadline?
Taken on more than you can deal with?
Felt demeaned but brushed it off just because you can’t say no?

Breaking news – you aren’t obliged to do that all of that sugar!

Assertive, assertive.

Here are a few tips for saying NO.

  1. Smile

Believe me, smiling really is the solution to almost everything! If leaders of the 2 blocks had smiled more often, the cold war could’ve been avoided. Refuse the order to make that coffee, with a smile. In today’s generation people don’t realise that smiling works like smileys.
“Fuck off :)” See what I mean?

  1. And give a believable excuse

“I’m feeling a little sickly and am off to make the world’s worst coffee, hoping I’ll feel better.”

  1. Apologize

“I’m sorry, really am”

  1. Compensate

“…But give me until tomorrow, and I will make you a mean cappuccino to make up for it!”
Don’t worry, we’ll deal with what happens tomorrow, tomorrow.

  1. Sail to the wind

Of course you can’t always be giving excuses. At times you can just give the truth.
“I’m in a rush and will not be able to give you a ride today.”
“Completing the project by that deadline is frankly impossible. Can you give me until ___”
“I’m currently handing this and that. Can either be kept on hold so I can complete what you seek?”
“I don’t like your face, it makes my skin crawl. Plus you stink.”
Ok probably not that.

Only remember, you are allowed to say no. Sometimes, you’re even expected to, and asking you is simply wishful thinking on their part. We’re humans after all, and have our own personal bandwidth, and stretching that is called exploiting. We’ve all been that unassertive idiot a few times. Don’t let it continue.

 

 

Don’t be the Office Bitch

Ever felt like the office bitch? No? Think again.

Maybe you laughed too hard at something someone wore. Or maybe you failed to laugh at a joke everyone found hilarious. Or maybe you didn’t open the door for someone behind you.  Or maybe you just didn’t apologize.

My, what a bitch!

We’ve all been in that situation where we’ve done or said something we shouldn’t have. In a workplace, with all the subtlety and diplomacy, these situations are easily camouflaged from us. Sometimes we just don’t notice. Sometimes we notice too late. Sometimes, people have already built the grudge behind you, hidden behind all those over enthusiastic Good mornings and bright smiles. Sometimes it feels like the damage is done, and it’s too late.

Well, it’s easy enough to say ‘fuck them! You’re there to work, not make friends’ and end it there. But bless them, I do not need to stress on how you need workplace friends. If you don’t agree, there really isn’t any point reading further.

If you do, I think I know what could work.

 

Solution #1 – Bring them Food

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yippywhippy | via Tumblr.com

Food never goes unappreciated. Cookies, brownies, pizza, cupcakes – well everything yummy. Feed their guilty indulgence, literally. You may hear complaints on expanding waistlines, but the food is gorged down as well.

 

Solution #2 Smile till you cheek hurt

 

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 Full_Ben | via JoyReactor.com

Greet with a smile. Apologize with a smile. Rebuke with a smile. Smile.

 

Solution #3 Take your pet to work

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Alex Alvares | via Fusion.net

Got a cute bunny? Drop by at work with her. Let her win hearts, and let her endearment alter your image.

 

Solution #4 Be a good listener

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gifrific.com

What are shrinks paid to do? Listen! Sound interested when someone speaks. Pretend to be fascinated by someone’s I-couldn’t-find-matching-socks tale. Listen more than you speak. Be all ears.

 

Solution #5 Observe the Office Bitch

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There’ll always be someone who raises the oh-no-you-didn’t reaction. Observe, learn, do not repeat. You’ll be a lot more cautious if you’ve observed this from the other end.

Every workplace has an Office Bitch. Do not let that be you.